Carmina – Part II
It’s funny, the mix of light. You never know where you are, down in the underground, somewhere. Is London, but is another world… aha hahaa! Sometimes, is just as noisy as it was at the bar, and on the streets, just different – less of a hassle down here. I can drink in peace. None of those people giving me shit; giving us shit, such shit. We don’t need no shit, we are just young and trying to have a good time because it is shit enough out there, no? It’s ok. I have my beer and my fingers don’t hurt so much wrapped around that beautiful bastard.
I don’t know where I am, and where is this train? London, obviously, but whatever. It’s all so silly sometimes. I am sitting, almost lying down on this bench thing but is getting crowded again. Poor woman with baby, who has a baby with that cart… a pram! A mother with a pram at this hour? Fine, I’ll give her the seat of course. My legs can stand, it’s good. People are pretentious here – they won’t even look at you, and we are all just the same kind of people, no? We are all riding deadly boxes to our homes, yes? I don’t have a home anymore. I don’t need one, after tonight. She is dumb and she can keep it! I am a big man: out here. And look, aren’t we ok, Carmina? Pffft. The floor is just like, “what?” Standing is harder than I thought, hahaa.
There’s a funny ad for that kids’ charity. I feel for them you know, because it was hard being a kid, here it seems tough, but in Italy… the English don’t even know. What was that shirt that dumb dickhead wearing? ‘FCUK’? So stupid, just be honest, you want to have a shirt or whatever, you want it to say ‘FUCK’, so just say it.
“It stands for French Connection blah blah…”
I know what it does for. It’s just stupid. You want to say fuck, so say fuck. It’s just a word. Everybody thinks they’re sooo clever. And you grow up, and people don’t care anymore! Horrible shit. But at least we have beer. That floor just really wants me though, doesn’t it?
‘Hahaaaha. I’m not coming to you. No no now, whoop. Nah, not nearly.’
Weak boyfriends. I can’t stand ‘em. They tag along to the bar, and they just get in the damned way, boring everybody. Especially the girlfriends! We take advantage of them, and right there, we can feel the dark, hot need they have; it’s so silly. Whatever dumb world they all thought they had before things got black, or purple and smelly, like beer that’s never cleaned away from the floorboards – there is only this. We’re young, and I love it. Beer is so good, isn’t it? I need some music. Unite the people and let everyone know it is no good to be afraid. No good to be alone.
Just when I was feeling a little hot, not with beer, or the sweat of a woman, but with just, like, heat… wind comes whooshing in.
I’m near the entrance and it’s like, the mouthpiece for that. A train comes soon, I think. Oh, I have to watch out for big group of people. They know something I don’t? It’s good, is not so quiet now, you know?
There’s my woman, a woman, I mean. She’s nice. She checks her phone and looks sad. Bored? Her neck, her throat, is a long pale arch with strong lines. The whole world is boring to her, I know. I like those glasses, they are too big for her face but it makes her little nose and chin all pointy, and mwuah, mwuah – a pointy pout!
‘I could kiss you woman.’
Ahh, she sees me. I don’t know if I still look as good as I should. My curly hair, and my dark beard – they are maybe oily, a little,
‘I haven’t shaved in a week, but I am clean. I promise you that!’
She is shy,
‘I won’t look at you, I will look at this poster for the children because you can see, I care about the world ok? You keep looking at me my woman. Your legs are so tight together with your tight jeans…’
She must be warm. It’s not a quiet night, no. I feel like dancing here, show my woman, how to go with the warm fire… but my legs are too lousy. I feel nice leaning against this wall. She looks again, I can see, my eyes peripherally. She thinks I am cute. I know she is seeing the fire in me, I know. She want me? I can’t believe it.
Whoosh. The train is here, at last! Such a nice blow of wind. I will sit beside her, to let her know it is reciprocated. My god, my legs were so like jelly now. I hurt my bum sitting so hard on this seat. Look at my legs, they are shooting straight out. But I will look at her now, I can smell her too. Now it is real, now the air is burning and alive. I can see us together in some beautiful bedroom. Her smell, her shampoo, her scent, it is swirling through my head loudly and playing my whole chest like a harpsichord. She is inside of me strumming my ribcage with porcelain fingers.
‘You are so close to me now’
I think she is older, like thirty-five something, but I love that. She looks like a librarian, with that wild, maybe Italian hair, something like Arab even, but she has that English pale skin, is like ivory or something. I want to coat it with my cum and see which is more white, ha ha! She is wild, I bet. Maybe I’ll play with her tight butt? I will have her naked and face down, but all I can see are the two mounds either side of a pink, dark crevice, and beyond there is only dimples in a pale and perfect landscape, dominated by her black curly hair. I’ll pull her tight and pinch my elbows at those hips, massage her cheeks and I bet they are ripe mangos, giant, ripe mangos that I pull apart and I see it, her little hole shimmering with juice. I will not bite it; I will nibble and blow my burning lusty, maddened breath into her. I’ll lick her, I’ll pinch her lips in my teeth, and she’ll beg for more. She’ll dribble onto the pillow, or the floor. I’ll make her cry. I’ll make her stand up, shove one knee up into her little titties,
‘You hug it my woman. You hug it while I stretch your vagina and anus. Bam bam, pussy and butthole, one-two, again and again and your one leg is getting so, so weak with the pain. You love it my woman, don’t you? Whimper for me. Whimper like staccato, gun fire ow how how wow, then cry out long and hard and look into my eye. I will lift you from you one aching leg and crash down on top of you, then ARGH… into you!’
She is squirming in her seat she wants it so bad; I knew it! Can she read my mind and knows that we are on the same page? We can even just cuddle, I do not care. I want her beautiful soul with me. She’s looking across at this guy. He has glasses too, big deal! I have glasses also, but I lost them. Now, I can see nothing very clear up close, it’s ok, but torture because I know she is sooo beautiful, and I only want to be up close with her. But this guy? With his silly hair? He is a pretty boy, and look at his sneakers, they are dirty. Just cos he read a book? I could read a book, from far away now, but I do read a book many times. Fine, I have a beer, isst not even open yet.
It sprayed a little bit. I, sorry forgot it has shaken up so much. Is just beer. We are young you know, this night is young! I think that guy is looking at me; does he know who I am? He can see the blood in between my fingers, not all wiped off. I think my face look fine, but.
My woman is looking but again, she won’t just look at me,
‘I am right here, juss 30cm away from you my woman. I get some beer on you? I’ve got another one…’
Maybe she wants wine? Classy older lady my woman… On the surface only!
‘I know an off-licence that’s open late? We’ll go together and you take me into your world and we run away from the daylight together, so warm together! You will sit on me baby, my dick jutting up into you, but you will juss grind, back and fortha like circles too, digging into my pelvis but I can’t feel anything but my dick so throbbing in you. Hmmn? Whap, I sink into the bed and pull it out. Slam back in. I will shove you up, up, up, yes lean back and bend my fucking dick. Can you tighten that librarian pussy around my helmet? Hold it and tease it like you will never let it go, and wham!’
She is shy and looking away but I am looking at her this whole time. This guy. She is looking at this guy and she wipes the beer; it was just a little spray on her jeans. Beer spills, so what, life’s beautiful, right? No, I feel bad,
‘I didn’t mean to get it on you my woman. I can fix it’
It felt so firm, and it burned even. I felt her! She is shy so she pulled her thigh away so fast. Does she not want me to touch her? She has to. She doesn’t move now. We stop at another station, and she is still here, but too many other people get on. I have someone on the other side of me now, and I can see some loud girls, they sound Spanish. I hate Spanish girls. Their flabby big asses and always excited about something stupido.
‘No, I’m not Spanish too, I am Italian!’
I burped, it was loud and it juss snuck out, but fuck them all, ok? Yeah, I feel good now.
‘You girls smile and blah blah blah, I will smile at you, but you cannot get in thee way of me and my woman here!’
Foreigners are so boring. I really hope my woman is an English girl. I want a good English girl. Simple. Ok, maybe these new people are not so bad, even this pretty guy. My woman is so serious, it is getting me down. She won’t look at me, but I am right here? Cahmon, what is this teasing that you want with me, then…
Look at this, some crazy guy with a guitar just like, where did he come from?
“I hear the train a-coming.
It’s rollin’ round the bend.
And I ain’t seen the sunshine,
since I don’t know when.
I’m stuck in Folsom Prison,
and time keeps draggin’ on”
Hahaa, it IS a party! I can look away from my woman for this. I can even belieeeve this. Hahaa. This guy has a, what a shirt. I get it, American country music style. I even like, I know this song. Johnny CASH! This is what I was talking about, it’s the night so young. Fuck it, I’m going to dance to this. We’ll all dance to this; it’s like a bar again.
‘I know an off-licence we can go to people. I don’t need a home! Hahaaa’
Oh it’s so easy to get up. Yeah!
“Well I know I had it comin’
I know I can’t be free.
But those people keep on movin’
And that’s what torrrrrtures me.”
Aww, he does the solo, like, we can all dance to this,
‘Look everyone, you damned dumb squares, it’s all alright! I know the words here, lean in man, and we can do like a duo and get this thing going…’
“If gey feed me… Fullgam Prizooown… ggerr I hey”
I guess I don’t know the words, hahaa. That’s funny. The song is over. Itsh hard to dance or even stand, this stupid fucking train is shaky. The guitarish is asking people for money and they won’t even give him nothing. What, no more songs?
I sits back down, and is sore. Things are blurry now. More beer is needed, I think… My woman is gone!
I fucking. Man. This guy sitting there. So sad. But look, these Spanish girls are still smiling and talking. They are not as sexy as my English woman, but maybe they are alright.
“Wha staschion ease thiss?”
“Ah theenk am lost. I wash poseda meet… myee fren”
“No, I, where ma fren, I should fonda myee… cos we were together, itsh night… I should change trens. Soon.”
Fuckingah, Spaneesh girls, I bored with them. Too longer now, all lot of time already wasted with Spanish! Carminaaaa… I don’ know whatta do, but I don’ feel so warm anymore. The night feels… old. This guy opposite me. He laughed when I cracked my beer, he keeps reading his book, but he listen to headphones too, what he thinks so special? I think my woman wanted him. He’s maybe a good guy. We should have made a party out of it! I don’ mind. Yeah, I like this guy.
We are at another staschion. And he is getting off? I’ll follow him, and I think he’s drunk too; the way he was all tap tap taping his crazy little foot to thee musick. Yeah, man, good guy he is. But, he walks so fast, I don’t… where is to go? Did he leave? I can’t leave the station. I’ve no home.
Oh there he goes!
‘Where you go my friend, guy?’
This a nice tube line. The platform ees so open! Look, three babes right there, an they surround him, man! Who ees thish guy? He can stand, thass fine, I’ll sit. Those stairs were… ugh. I have enough beer left here, but iss like I don’ evend feel eet. I’ll go over in a bit. I wink at him. He’s still pretending to read. Such a funny guy.
Look at that girl! Leather jacket, yess, I know what that means. Red lips, are they even real? Red and blonde, yesh that is a mix! And those tights, are slimsy things; I love a woman in a skirt. Itsh decent but sexy and playful together! Jeans are not even… jeans, my god. I will write her a poem. Her legsh are there, ittle bulges. I want her to stand on my chest, so I can feel her power and look up from littler toes, soft skin ees delicut! All those bumps and grooves in the muscles of shiny legs. And I look up all to the glory into her pussy.
There is something more to her, I know it. She has never been in truly love. Knows that we have so mucha pain in thish worle, and all we supposa do is be kind, and dance – maybe she’s a dancer, or a singer – and want to live in the sun and the whole thing. Be kine together, to each other, yes?
I will go down on her. That is all I want, she can be so hot for me that she burns my tongue, but I will not give eet to her, no, I juss want to squeeze those legs and devour her pussy so much. I’m so thirsty! Ha haaaa, she looked at me too, I show a smirk, like she know what I’m thinking, what I can do for her. I must tell her, I will speak in poetry!
‘I want to take you to a mountainside and we can pick berries, swim in the lakes under blue air. The coming moon and her beauty and our youth. We will find a way to stop the captulist, empty theengs from destroying love for these world! We can see the deep orange light through very old curtains hitting hard wood floor stained with dust and wine. I will play the piano when silence is all we have around us. And we smell, we smell, that pure water, because we are so free. Young and in love!’
I am walking over, it’s so hard. Maybe I am nervous? My head is soo fuckinga silly. My legs, my god my legs. She is doing this to me, she is an angel.
‘No need to be alone.
No need to bee-ee alone.
It’s real love, oh it’s reeeeal.
Oh it’s real love, oohhhh it’s reeeeal…Love
Fuck, she’s not seeing me; she’s walking to this other guy? Who is he? Oh, she want to stand by the pillar, like he does, that’s good. I want to lean on something too. Ok, I will tell her a poem about her beauty and the soul I know she has inside of her,
“Jou loo I see yeask uhh.” I said. I am nervous, I think.
“Will you go away?” She said, so quiet. She afraid. It… god, why can’t I? I thought she had fire, and love in her. Why?
“Uh kaym.” I said, and drooled back to the seat.
Less get this stupid fucking train when it comes an nothing will ever happen, ever, for anything. Be alone…
The train comes. Me, and the funny guy get on. That blonde girl was stupid and mean. I can’t see very well, this train is cold. There’s music or something again… yeah, party! Maybe I feel, no I still, so heavy insides me. Two silly girls singing whatever, these song I don’ know. Like “Essex girls”, I don’t wanna… with them, is impossible amount of make-up, icy eyes, they make my stomach hurt like they tear something out from me. Yeah they know it. They are jussh prudes and boring bitches anyway. Looking for rich middle aged fucking bastards with coca and cars and pink shirts! They next to my guy though, he knows how to pick em. Such a funny guy!
They all get off, he’s going with them? Un fucking believable. He left me! No, he’s… walking back? I’ll get off too… No, he’s getting back on. I need to sit down. Look at thissh, a little Chino-Japo-Koreanese girl with a suitcase. I do not know which she from, but if I juss say Asian, that is racist, I do not know. She so thin, but long thin. The bag is too big for her, hahaa.
‘I don’t have a place to stay either, world travellers the two of us!’
I can feel her, she’s not hot like the other girls, she’s cool, and her pussy would taste like sushi. No that’s silly. Oh my god, what would it be like? Her mouth is so wide, those cheeks bones are vicious and poignant like, she would look like a perfect creature biting these long, thin lips, I, I, I, I, is the sound she makes, and maybe she somehow musters up a growl, deep inside and I feel the reverberation in my cock as it squeezes deep inside of her? She looks fashionable; I don’t like fashionable people, like, but arts ok. She would know poetry, Yoko Ono was a poet. I’ll touch her tiny thigh to get her attention and ask her what she feels.
‘I’m here. Who are you?’
She freaks the whole train out and takes her bag to stand at the door. Jesus, she shot out of that seat like the cum from my thirsty little penis! And now she stands next to thish guy! What is with him? He gets off at the next stop, but the little crazy fashion girl doesn’t? Fuck it, I’m going to follow thish guy, I think. She fucking getsh in the way an makes a baby, deadly squeal only dogs could hear. It hurts, and dammit, I fall over. Damn her, she is no good for me. That ground had been waiting for me and it finally got me! Hahaa, no, nobody help me? Fine.
I can’t see the funny guy. What station is this? Itsh a small one, ok, he must have left. I’ll get back on a train. I know a good off licence somewhere. Sleep? Hah. I’ve got nowhere to sleep. Hey look, another girl, she can help me, hahaaa, help me with my penis! Yeah. I’m standing, I think. Ugh, she is so fast. Some dude ish in my way – what a drag. Is that my funny guy? It gets bright really quick.
Now it’s so dark, and I can’t move these stupid, lousy legs. I think I’m gonna be sore in they morning! Hahaaaa, I fell over? Fuckinga floor! Thishish stupid. I am trying to get up, but iss hard, in my back. I fell down, onto the fucking tracks, ha haaa. Fucking, I am going to be in trouble if the guards find me! I juss hell myself up then, huh? No one wan help me?
‘Yeah ya, ‘allo. You just stand up there looking’